The AFC May Collapse

By: Kris Mead

As Tom Brady makes his ninth Super Bowl appearance this Sunday, many fans (and presumably players and coaches) are hoping it isn’t just his last championship appearance, but his last NFL football game. If these fans get their wish it will be a detriment, especially to the American Football Conference (“AFC”).

The theory is something similar to Peyton Manning’s Super Bowl victory when he defeated the Carolina Panthers and road off into the sunlight hoisting the Lombardi Trophy. However, Peyton and Tom are two entirely different quarterbacks. Manning won Super Bowl L while his performance was anything, but fluent. In 2015, according to Pro Football Reference, Manning’s 2015 (his last year) performance was statistically not stellar. In 2015 Manning had the lowest QBR of any of his seventeen seasons in the NFL, had the lowest passer rating in his career, and threw the most interceptions in any one of his seasons. If it wasn’t for Denver’s great defense, it would be extremely unlikely that Denver, even with Manning, would have made it to the Super Bowl. On the other hand, if Tom Brady was not the quarterback for the Patriots, it would be unlikely that they would even be representing the AFC in this year’s Super Bowl.

The first issue with this “appeasement theory,” is the fact that Tom himself has said, explicitly that he has no intention of retiring after this season. In an interview with ESPN’s Jeff Darlington, Brady stated “there is zero chance” after the Super Bowl. However, this shouldn’t be a groundbreaking realization as Brady has previously stated that he plans to retire when he turns 45 (currently he is 41).

The second reason why the “appeasement theory” is not beneficial to the NFL, particularly the AFC, is simply because there will be an unequal balance of power. Sure, it could be said that currently the balance of power is unequal because the Patriots have been in four of the past ten super bowls, but, ironically, Peyton Manning and the Pittsburgh Steelers’ quarterback, Ben Rapistberger, have been the balance of power to prevent that number from skyrocketing. In the ten years prior to Peyton’s retirement (2016), Tom made a Super Bowl appearance only three times. One of those appearances was in a season when Peyton was out for the year with a neck injury (2011 Season). Even more alarming is that in those ten years (2007 - 2016 season) Peyton made four super bowl appearances and then Rapistberger had two of those Super Bowl appearances. Yes, New England was a dynasty because they have won more times than not when they have entered a Super Bowl, but it isn’t because they have routinely – year after year – been to the Super Bowl.

Of course, once Manning retired the balance of power in the AFC was ripped away and Brady, alongside his fellow Patriots, assumed complete control. There is nothing more indicative of this notion than the fact that the Patriots, after Sunday, will have represented the AFC in the past three consecutive Super Bowls.

If Tom Brady were to follow through with this “appeasement theory” what would happen? First, there would be a power vacuum in the AFC. That being said, many of the great quarterbacks (naturally good quarterbacks are associated with good teams) are some of the oldest quarterbacks in the league. For instance Phillip Rivers and Ben Rapistberger are both in their late thirties. Unlike Brady both of these quarterbacks have shown depreciation. Rivers, although he had a great year this year, seems to already be preparing his life to be one of the first Hall of Fame quarterbacks to not only not win a super bowl, but never appear in one either. In a January 2019 New York Times article, written by Benjamin Hoffman, it discusses how “while [Rivers] may not have as high of a profile as two other big-name quarterbacks taken in the 2004 draft — Eli Manning and Ben Roethlisberger — the case can be made that he was better than either of his famous peers in the regular season.” The key phrase is “regular season.” A power vacuum cannot be relegated to simply the regular season, but must be won in the playoffs.

As for Rapistberger, he has already flirted with the thought of retirement and made it expressly known to the world. Further, although Rapistberger just signed an extension, it does not absolve him of the fact that the Pittsburgh Steelers are the closest NFL franchise to being the equivalent of MTV’s Jersey Shore. With arguably the best running back in the NFL, Le’Veon Bell, holding out for the entire 2018 season and looking more and more like he will never play for the Steelers again, and the fact that fellow pro bowl wide receiver, Antonio Brown,  is looking like he will be traded, after not feeling “respected” in Pittsburgh, it isn’t hard to argue that the Steelers are no longer the perennial force in the AFC North, let alone a favorite to represent the AFC in the super bowl.

So then there are the younger AFC quarterbacks. First there is DeShaun Watson of the Houston Texans. However, Houston appears to be more and more like what the Cincinnati Bengals were back when Andy Dalton first arrived – one and done in the playoffs. Further, this past year Watson’s QBR took a drastic drop compared to his rookie year. The other issue is the Houston Texan’s defense is never fully healthy. When the backside is fully healthy, JJ Watt or Clowney are sidelined and vice versa, as it was this year. Then there is Andrew Luck who had an amazing season after being sidelined all of last year, but that was about all there was to say about the Colts. The Colts still seem to be riding the same strategy that they used when they had Peyton Manning – make Manning carry both the offense and the defense to victory. If anything, the only other notable player on the Colts is Luck’s wide receiver T.Y. Hilton. This is the same when Peyton played the only notable players were – Reggie Wayne or wide receiver, Marvin Harrison (of course defensive ends, Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis, were there but it still seemed that Peyton had to make up for the defense’ deficiencies most of the time).

In turn, if Tom were to leave, and this is assuming that New England would have a significant drop off, then that leaves only one AFC team to assume that power vacuum – Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs have everything to be the next dynasty in the AFC. They have an outstanding young quarterback in Patrick Mahomes. Even with Kareem Hunt’s departure, they have not missed a beat running the ball and their wide receivers are led by the likes of Tyreek Hill. The defense, namely their secondary, needs assistance but for the most part is sturdy. However, what makes them even better isn’t the addition of any one player but the subtraction of Brady from the NFL. For if any of the other aforementioned quarterbacks were going up against the Chiefs in this year’s AFC Championship Game, the Chiefs would have won and done so relatively easily. The Chiefs are the only hope for a balanced AFC, and although the Chiefs lost this year, they did not do so embarrassingly nor did they lose without controversy. However, Brady is the Ying to the Chiefs’ Yang. To keep Brady in check the Chiefs are necessary and to keep the Chiefs in check Brady is necessary.

Therefore, if the “appeasement theory” were to become true, the only people to be happy would be Chief fans. However, all the other NFL fans would be upset, just as they are upset now with New England. That is because the Chiefs would become an unchecked power in the AFC. Right now they are only partially checked by the Patriots, since if the Chiefs were to play the Patriots again, Kansas City would have a fair chance at beating them. Hence, what a Brady does for NFL fans is provide them with entertaining, competitive games. If Tom were to retire, it would be like the USSR crumbling in 1945. Yes America would be the world’s lone super power, but it wouldn’t nearly be as advanced as it is today. The Chiefs are the AFC’s America, and they will be the next great AFC super power.  But they will never be the greatest super power until they beat the greatest super power – New England Patriots – in the playoffs.

America's Annual Form of Public Torture: The NFL Pro Bowl

The 2019 NFL Pro Bowl isn’t even over yet and it already sucks. The NFL Pro Bowl is like a person left on life support for weeks. Even after the doctors have expressed their opinion that the patient has a zero percent chance to live, the family still keeps the plug in. There honestly is nothing more painful than watching tight end Eric Ebron pull out his smart phone while on the field and start taking a video of himself. Then again, running backs Saquan Barkley and Alvin Kamara at one point lined up as defensive ends. Remarkably, Kamara was able to beat out right tackle, Taylor Lewan, and nearly stripped the ball from quarterback DeShaun Watson. If either of those examples aren’t bad enough Amari Cooper, who was wide open, just let a would-be touchdown catch go off his helmet. In short, it’s utterly pathetic.

So pathetic that I have done several things, other than watch the NFL Pro Bowl:

1. I took a nap.

2. I watched the Cleveland Cavaliers against the Chicago Bulls (this is pathetic because between both teams they have combined for 20 wins and 79 losses. The Cavaliers have contributed only 9 of those wins).

3. Watched Netflix

 

There are two main reasons why the NFL Pro Bowl is so bad.

 

The first, and what has already been briefly discussed above, is the lack of play. When I finally switched from the Cavs game to the NFL Pro Bowl, I was amazed – there was an actual tackle. The New York Jets’ safety, Jamal Adams, tackled Chicago Bears quarterback, Mitchell Trubisky. However, it was not without, like all plays in the NFL, controversy. The first piece of controversy is the fact that, apparently, blitzes are not permitted in the Pro Bowl. Blitzes are only allowed if it is a running play. In turn, on a pass, at most, a defense is only allowed to rush four defensive linemen. Furthermore, a defense must line up in a 4-3 formation for the entire game. Luckily, Jamal Adams blitzed on a flea flicker which is initially a handoff and therefore a running play. The second issue is that in the NFL Pro Bowl safeties are not permitted to line up on the line of scrimmage. Here, Jamal Adams, was lined up on the line of scrimmage, but the refs did not notice, most likely because they are not used to calling such an anemic, and egregious style of football. However the NFC Team’s head coach, Jason Garrett, tried to challenge the play, citing that Adams was on the line of scrimmage. To this viewer’s delight, the refs confirmed that a play could not be reviewed for Garrett’s grievance, implying reviewing the play would have only prolonged this atrocious, dreadful, appalling form of football for one second too long. 

 

The other issue is that the NFL is not a player’s sport, like the NBA, but is more of a team sport. In other words, fans don’t typically cheer for a team due to a specific player, but rather they cheer for a team, because the team represents something about that fan – namely the team represents that fan’s town, region, home. So when the NFL decided to copy the NBA so that pro bowl teams would be selected by captains in a fantasy draft format, it was no surprise that it wouldn’t make a difference in how miserable the play on the field was. Although their all-star game has little defense too, the NBA is more interesting in a fantasy draft format because it is a players’ league. Fans watch the NBA more so for a certain player rather than a certain team. So when Lebron and Curry select their teams, it makes it more interesting because the league’s best players will be partnered with scorers with whom they typically are never associated. In the NFL it makes little difference who Deion Sanders or Jerry Rice (the first fantasy Pro Bowl captains) selected because even on offense there is little to no effort. Thankfully in 2016 the NFL announced that the Pro Bowl would return to its old format, in which the AFC would play the NFC.

 

Aloha Stadium

The second issue about the Pro Bowl is its location. From 1980-2016, save but two years, the game was played in Aloha Stadium in Hawaii. This was actually pretty cool considering that Hawaii is a beautiful state, and so even if the game does suck (which it almost always does) at least a fan got to see cuts of the Pacific Ocean, volcanoes, nice beaches, and random scenes of people doing the Hula dance. That would all change in 2016 when the league announced that it would be taking the Pro Bowl from gorgeous Hawaii to the artificially created, swamp drained, beachless, city of hot and humid Orlando, Florida. The NFL must have forgotten that when it rains in Florida, it isn’t just a little drizzle but an epic monsoon like atmosphere that just causes the ground to steam up and become a natural sauna, like it did this year in 2019 (I’m sure the players loved those “ideal” conditions). To add insult to injury, Orlando was the best of all the poisons. The NFL was considering Orlando, Rio de Janiero, Brazil, Houston, and Honolulu.

Camping World Stadium - Orlando, FL

 



An evening walk in Rio de Janiero. Eagles fans would be used to it.

First, the best choice would have been keeping the Pro Bowl in Honolulu and to at least give the players somewhere nice to visit before having to “act” like they are playing football. Houston would have been a malign selection only because most of the players travel there either once a year or once every few years to play the Houston Texans. The Pro Bowl in Rio de Janiero just seems like the next Gerard Butler movie to fall in line with his Olympus Has Fallen series. According to the New York Times, “Brazil’s showcase city is plagued by a rise in lawlessness reminiscent of its darkest periods in the 1980s and 1990s.” In 2017 there was an 11 percent rise in murders compared to 2016. Whether the NFL decided not to move the Pro Bowl for financial or player safety reasons (I would like to believe the latter but it is most likely the former), doesn’t matter, it’s just a relief that the NFL’s greedy management wasn’t able to pull the trigger on that proposition.

 

Funny enough, it has been cited that in an effort to bring the NFL to a more international stage, the NFL is contemplating moving the Pro Bowl to Germany, Mexico or Australia. Like most of the NFL’s efforts to make the Pro Bowl relevant, this will be a monumental mistake. It’s one thing to keep the “drunk uncle” of the NFL in its home state (i.e. America), it’s another theory to parade the “drunk uncle” around and have the thought that maybe these other nations, who have repeatedly rejected American football, want to see this poor excuse of not only a sport, but entertainment. More importantly, if these foreigners do enjoy the Pro Bowl, the NFL might get the false idea that an NFL franchise could survive overseas.  The simple reason for this is the fact that like Orlando’s other attraction, Disney World, the Pro Bowl isn’t really real and even less amusing. It is a Luke warm, slow moving, half cousin of football, better kept hidden from sight.  

Diary From the Frontline: Day Cuatro



As the sun’s glaring rays break through the dismal overcast, and pierce the hard, corroded ground, like a knight’s sword sending his enemy to the abys, the soldiers awake from their slumber and so begins the fourth day of the “Cold War.” Colonel Hilda has refused to lower her barricade, nor does she allow her people to even consider reaching across to find peace with Major Bulker’s nation. For this is a war of attrition and so neither side will give an inch, even though as each day of the war goes on, the groans of the soldiers’ stomachs grow louder.






Civilians finding what little solace they can, in the nation of Major Bulker



This is a unique war in which bloodshed has not been administered at the hands of the opposing enemy’s bullets, knives, bombs, or artillery, but rather through the strategy of, siege warfare. For the goal of any siege, from the Republic of Venice’s siege of Constantinople in the 13^th century to the British Siege of Fort Ticonderoga in the 18th, is not to deliberately slaughter the enemy’s people, but for the besieged nation feel as though they have slaughtered their own people. In other words, siege warfare is to make the enemy feel as though they are the ones cutting off their own leg, and more importantly, that they are the only ones who may end their suffering. Siege warfare is nothing more than the deliberate effect to starve one’s opponent into submission. The object is to surround a foe’s city, preferably one heavily populated with an enemy’s civilians, and instigate an artificial famine upon those people. The besieged nation must decide, with what little rations they may have in the city prior to it being besieged, to either feed their military, whose job it is to defend the city from the attackers, or feed their civilians, whom they have the duty to protect. At first, usually, there is enough food to feed the whole population, but simple economics states that as supply goes down, demand goes up. As the days, months, and possibly years grow longer, the food grows shorter, and so the besieged government must decide, “do they spare their military or their people?” The former almost always takes priority. So, this then catapults exactly what the aggressor has envisioned: a trapped people, with little to no food, who may either give in to save their starving civilians, or, continue to hold out, but knowing that as the siege grows longer, their odds of succeeding, and escaping the horrific cries of their nation’s starving children, diminish.

Colonel Hilda has already been showing signs of malnutrition and starvation setting in on her nation. A, what looks to be, citrus fruit, which is an abnormal food for her people, has not been touched nor peeled, for Colonel Hilda understands that the greatest strength in siege warfare is the ability to be self-disciplined. One solider of Colonel Hilda’s could be heard screaming uncontrollably for but just a small nibble of, what was, the customary breakfast food in the nation of Hilda – a McDonald’s hash brown. On the other hand, Major Bulker has vast experience in siege warfare, as she has been the victim of many previous sieges. In turn, evidenced through her drawers full of Tupperware and stashes of donuts, partially eaten birthday cakes, and cookies, stolen from previous Legal Dept. Universe events, Major Bulker is well suited for an exasperated and long holdout.

The second greatest weapon in siege warfare is the mental instability that sets in on the besieged opponent. Like starvation, as the siege prolongs, the human mind starts to lose itself, causing the victim to lose all their ability to control themselves and their actions. At one moment Colonel Hilda was found, by a peace corp. worker from the nation of Jolie, in a closed conference room painting her nails. Colonel Hilda, having trouble speaking due to her lack of adequate substance, was pleading with the nation of Jolie that, “on days like these, when there is no end in sight, one must find a quiet conference room, shut the door and paint one’s nails.” An investigation by Amnesty International is underway to determine if the actual action of nail painting, is what calmed Colonel Hilda or rather was it the inhalation of the acetone that expels from the polish, that calms Colonel Hilda’s nerves. There has been reports that soldiers on both fronts have been turning to smelling of certain odors (Sharpies, ink pens, dry erase markers and Elmer’s glue) to help put their minds at ease and hopefully find any sort of peace between each volley of artillery.

“The skillful leader subdues the enemy's troops without any fighting.” – Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Diary From The Frontline: Day Tres

The excerpt below is summarization of a conflict between two admins at a white collar corporation. The  character's names have been fictionalized, as well as the Company, at which this true event took place. The "Bulker Radar System" is an antenna that was placed on the top of a cube divider, between both admins, by Major Bulker. Bulker was hoping by placing the small wire antenna at a higher elevation, she would be able to receive better reception. Bulker did receive better reception, but also created an uproar with her cube neighbor - the nation of Hilda. The correspondence was by a third party member of the Company, who was relaying information to other team members in order to give them a better understanding of the actual magnitude that this conflict  has evolved into.

For your enjoyment:

Actual picture of your correspondent writing, during a break in the action

As the “Cold War” enters its third day, the stakes have grown as the pressure increases. Both aggressors are on an ever thinning edge in which the slightest movement, twitch, or even flinch may instigate the gravest of consequences to the opposing side. After a failed diplomatic attempt in which quiche was used as some sort of failed bargaining chip,  Colonel Hilda has refused to lower her barricade and insists that the wall is her, and her people's, only resort in defending their valor, freedom, sanity, and extreme sensitivity from the evil and ever strengthening, yet archaic technology, called the, “Bulker Radar System.” Major Bulker, who utterly refused the quiche offering, (citing that although her people were starving, they rather eat themselves before they enslave themselves to Hilda’s ludicrous demands) and her nation of sicken children, starvation, an abundance of vitamins, Tupperware and Lyme disease are claiming that they must extend their radar system in order to overcome, what otherwise would be, a complete mental breakdown. For if the Bulker nation cannot receive word from the outside world, via through radio magnetic waves, they will not only tear themselves to bits, but devastate those innocent nations around them by speaking in uncontrollable tongues to whichever nation has the unfortunate pleasure of entering her dominion or dares to trade with her. Thus, The Bulker Radar System is in the national interest of all the other nations that make up the Company's Legal Dept. Universe, except for, of course, the delicate, yet persistent, nation of Hilda.

Is there an end in sight? Only God knows. Hold strong and remember: Igne natura renovatur integra (Through fire, nature is reborn whole)

Only In America - Government Shut Downs

By: Kris Mead

In 1862 Kaiser Wilhelm I of Prussia faced a budget impasse with the Landtag, the elected general assembly of Prussia. The opposition was over Wihelm’s request to increase the military budget so that the military may be expanded by 50,000 troops, annual recruit quotas increased, and the most controversial issue, maintain the mandatory requirement for military service at three years. In short, Prussia’s government was shut down until this impasse was resolved. More importantly, this would be Germany’s last noticeable governmental shut down.  However, America, which would advise Germany on its postwar World War II constitution, has had 20 governmental shutdowns since 1976.

So as America enters the 27^th day of its longest government shutdown, the obvious question is why does the richest, most powerful country in the world, fail, repeatedly, to pass a federal budget? There are three reasons.

First America’s democracy is run as a republic in which the people elect both a separate executive and legislature. This governmental style causes a higher need for compromise, as both branches may decline a governmental budget proposal, without immediate detrimental political effects to themselves. In the United Kingdom, and other countries run via the Westminster-parliamentary system, a failure for parliament to pass a budget spurs a no confidence vote.  This in turn may cause the ruling party’s leader, who usually is the country’s prime minister, to lose the power. In Australia, if the government cannot pass a budget, the government must resign, and new elections are held. In effect this causes greater pressure on the ruling party and its leader to come to a budget resolution in a timely manner. Another issue is that in these Westminster style governments only require an absolute majority, over fifty percent, to pass a budget bill. In America, a super-majority (two-thirds of both houses of the legislature) is required to pass a budget bill. Therefore if a parliamentary style government can’t pass a budget bill, it would imply that the majority party is having its own squabbles.  However, in America it requires both parties to come to an agreement over the budget, which means that compromise is an absolute necessity.

Second, America’s constitution and laws have inhibited the leader of the free world from overcoming an epidemic that has become uniquely American.  In 2010 and 2011, Belgium was without a government for 589 days. However, the government was not shutdown. This is because, and in like most European countries, when a budget is unable to be agreed upon, the previous budget remains in place and so federal government employees still go to work and still receive pay. So new investments would not be funded but everything prior to the date the new budget was to be instituted would remain in place. America’s agencies, and as reported in The Economist, prior to 1980, would “often operate during funding gaps.” The federal agencies would operate under the assumption that the government did not intend to close them, but “merely had not yet gotten around to formally providing their funding.”  In 1980 that method changed as the, then attorney-general, Benjamin Civiletti wrote an opinion that “agencies could [only] avoid violating the Antideficiency Act. . .is to cease operating until Congress funds them . . ..” The Antideficiency Act, according to the U.S. Government Accountability Office, “ [p]rohibits federal agencies from obligations or expending funds in advance or in excess of an appropriation. . ..” The law was enacted under Ulysses S. Grant in 1870 after the Naval Office spent double its appropriated budget, but was not seriously acted upon until Civiletti’s opinion was issued. That opinion would cause the U.S. government the exclusive right to essentially take hostage of the American people, with little or no consequence to the politicians who were unable to come to a compromise.

The third issue, and the most volatile, is the fact that America has elected a populist, transactional, and unfortunately, naïve, president in Donald Trump. In mid-December, Trump was planning on signing a new spending bill but he was haunted by two figures – Fox News and himself. Trump, in his 2016 presidential campaign, promised his voters that he would build a wall on the border of Mexico. Trump, like he typically does, went further and promised his supporters that Mexico would pay for the wall. Then when Trump was to pass a 2019 spending bill that did not provide funding for a border wall, he was called out by far-right wing talking heads such as, Fox News and Ann Coulter. Trump, fearing loss from his diminishing base, dug in his heels and would only pass a spending bill if it included his 5.7 billion dollars for his wall.  The Democrats, who have regained the majority in the House due to many voters concerned about Trump’s nativist policies, which includes the wall, refuse to pass any bill that would allow for 5.7 billion for a wall. In turn, Trump shut down the government, took the American government workers hostage, because he desperately wants to please his xenophobic base.

Trump’s need for a wall is groundless and his negotiation leverage has vastly diminished due to his previous acts and gambles. First, on January 19^th, Trump blinked and provided certain concessions in return for his wall funding. There were two main concessions. The first, as reported by the Washington Post, was that Trump would extend protections to certain immigrants protected under DACA, which protects immigrants who come to America illegally but came when they were children. The second concession was to extend protections for certain refugees who are in America under Temporary Protected Status (“TPS”). TPS gave immigrants who fled from their home countries to America due to natural disasters, wars, or other emergencies certain protections. Trump has attempted to remove protections from these people as well. What is most notable is that Trump has tried to make both policies unlawful and both attempts have been enjoined by federal courts. In turn, the laws stay intact unless the Supreme Court would take them up and overturn the lower courts’ rulings. Ironically, the Supreme Court on Friday signaled that they most likely will not be taking up the cases during this term. In turn, Trump’s concessions are empty as the programs are both still in place due to the lower court’s injunctions.

The second is the fact that illegal immigration is not even a major issue or U.S. problem. Rather Trump has been using Mexico and Latin American immigrants to stir nativist, racist, and xenophobic fears in his base. Trump and his followers refuse to look at the facts and rather be fed lies by the right-wing news outlets such as Fox News. First, Trump argues that illegal immigration at the southwest border is a “crisis,” but that is largely false as the number of boarder apprehensions in the past year were less than a third of what they were in 2000. Second, Trump claims that a wall would “pay for itself” because it would stop the smuggling of drugs. This is again false as the vast majority of illegal drugs smuggled into the U.S. come through legal ports of entry and not through illegal means of entry. So overall the issue at the Mexican border is one of Trump’s many fear mongering tactics, rather than a substantive political issue.

The Democrats are right not to cave into Trump’s allusive “act” of compromise. This is because if Democrats were to cave to Trump, they are essentially allowing Trump to use the American people as a form of hostage for any of his baseless, useless, infeasible policy initiatives. Not only is Trump holding 800,000 Americans and their families’ hostage, but he is also holding the U.S.’s democracy hostage for his own personal and racist policy initiatives. Trump should reopen the government with the plan initially agreed upon. The wall and immigration issue may be discussed when the hostages are released and America’s government is back. Kaiser Wilhelm was able to push through his budget by appointing Otto Von Bismark as his minster, who would in turn, completely ignore the Landstag. America must let Trump know that he cannot dictate by such undiplomatic means.  Apple pie, baseball, and hot dogs are all uniquely American, but just as mass shootings have become so uniquely American, government shutdowns do not need to be the norm either. 

 

The Jets are to the NFL, What Trump is to the American People - Awful

The question in writing this wasn’t “where to begin,” but rather what not to include? The New York Jets’ history is a litany of disgraceful events. Even when they describe their most glorious player, quarterback Joe Namath, they can’t help but avoid his short-lived stardom. “His physical talents on the field helped improve the Jets' fortunes, leading them to victory over the Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III. Though injuries hampered the latter part of Namath's career. . ..”

So, the place to begin is the beginning when in 1959 Harry Wismer was granted a franchise for a professional football team in New York. Wismer, following the big city mantra of “bigger must be better” named his football team “the Titans of New York” because “titans were bigger and stronger than giants.”    Wismer failed to notice one thing larger than a titan, and that was the laden of debt with which he was able to encumber his Titans. So within four years, and just when the Titans learned to walk, they were nearly suffocated by the person who had given them their first breath – Harry Wismer. Thankfully, in addition to an abundance of rats, New York doesn’t lack for rich white old guys walking around. In 1963 Wismer’s insolvent franchise would be purchased by a group of “old, rich, white guys” led by Sonny Werblin.

Werblin was a classic example of a man who lived the American dream. Werblin’s father was able to find and run an extremely successful paper-bag company. From there Sonny took on his father’s entrepreneurial spirit and started working as an agent for the Music Corporation of America, eventually founding its television division. Sonny was an amorally upstanding businessman, in that he was able to grow the television division by ignoring and breaking nearly every antitrust law.

Having experience in the entertainment business, Sonny decided that upon buying the Titans he needed to stamp his “image” on them. As a result, he changed the Titans’ colors to Kelly green and white, because Werblin was born on St. Patrick’s Day (ironically, Werblin was Jewish) and wanted that to be known. He further changed the team’s name from Titans to Jets. There are two possibilities for this. The first is because the name “Jets” rhymed with the professional baseball team, with whom the Jets then shared Shea stadium with, called the “Mets.” The other possibility is that Shea stadium was so close to LaGuardia airport that Werblin thought of the name “Jets.” Personally, if you consider that NFL team names would only get less creative as time went on (Carolina Panthers, Jacksonville Jaguars, etc.) I give Mr. Werblin a lot of credit for picking a relatively obvious, but not generic football team name. However, Werblin is most famous for signing what still is, after over half a century, the Jets’ most famous player – Joe Namath.

Now at this point it may appear that the tide is turning for the Jets and that with the Joe Namath signing he will lead the Jets on to dynasties that resemble those of the Steel Curtain. However, Namath was and still is the Jets’ high-water mark. Let that sink in. The Jets’ high-water mark was obtained within their first decade of being a franchise – 1969. In that year Joe Namath would defeat the Baltimore Colts, who were favored in Super Bowl III, which is also the Jets’ only Super Bowl win and appearance. The uglier part is the man who lured Namath to the AFL and not the NFL in 1965, by offering Namath a $427,000 guaranteed contract, wouldn’t even get the pleasure of hoisting the Super Bowl trophy. That is because if there is anything rich, white men hate more than alimony payments, is other rich, old, white men. “His partners, including Leon Hess, the chairman of the Amerada Hess Corporation, had become so miffed at all the attention paid to Mr. Werblin that they bought him out before the start of the 1968 season, paying him $1.2 million for a share that had cost him $250,000.”

Yep, New York finally had the owner they needed, but like typical New York, they ousted him right when the going was getting good. Leon Hess would become the next owner. Just as Namath’s career would descend into mediocracy and injuries, the Jets franchise would also bottom out into a giant mound of draft busts, ridiculous coaching hires, and repeated heartaches and headaches.

The draft busts are well documented. There was Blair Thomas a star running back out of Penn State, drafted in 1990 with the second overall pick. Blair lasted four years with the Jets and only mustered 2,009 yards and just six touchdowns. By 1996 Blair was out of the NFL, and the former Heisman – runner-up is now the proud owner of several sports bars called, “KoKoMos.” Then, of course, there was the defensive tackle from Ohio State, Vernon Gholston. Gholtson failed to record a sack and was released from the Jets after his third year in the league. Last checked, in 2015 Gholston was trying to make an NFL comeback but for now he will go down as another Jets bust. The list goes on. What is remarkable is the very fact that under the Jets’ Wikipedia page there is a section dedicated to their first-round draft picks, but even this section discusses more about the Jets’ terrible selections than their good picks. 

I mean even Mark Sanchez’s ability to lead the Jets to two AFC Championship games wasn’t enough to make him memorable. Sanchez’s notoriety only became prevalent when he was able to perform this unique, and never again tried, maneuver called, “the butt fumble.”

Then, of course, the Jets have their litany of exotic head coaches. In the 1990’s it appeared that coaches were either joining the Jets to get revenge on a previous team or were taking a head coaching post somewhere else to get back at the Jets. For instance, Bill Belichick was named the New York Jets head coach at the start of the 1997 season. However, that would only last six days, as the Jets really wanted Belichick’s teacher – Bill Parcells. In a complicated and emotional dispute, Parcells wanted out of New England and the Jets wanted to hire Parcells. The only issue was that Parcells was still under contract in New England and, for obvious reasons, did not want Parcells going to a divisional rival. In turn, the Jets, being their conniving selves, thought that they would just hire Parcells as an “advisor to football operations” and Belichick, Parcells’ top assistant, would be the head coach. In the end, Belichick was hired as the Jets’ head coach, but that would only last for six days. The NFL would broker a deal in which the Jets received Parcells and New England received monies as well as draft picks from the Jets. Belichick was named as an assistant, but he would later receive the last laugh as Parcells would abdicate his throne at the end of the 2000 season. Parcells named Bill Belichick as his head coach, and in true Jets fashion within 24 hours Belichick said he was quitting as the New York Jets head coach. Belichick’s reasoning? "There are a lot of unanswered questions here. I have been concerned about it since Leon Hess (the former owner) died (in May). I had no clear direction of where I am going in the organization."

As much disdain as I have for Bill Belichick, his quote is spot on. Actually, this quote is so good I don’t think there is any reason for me to even attempt to digest and regurgitate the laughable other head coaching hires, such as the obnoxious blow hard Rex Ryan, or the amorphous and at times oblivious Todd Bowles. Not to mention the fact that the Jets were prevented from getting their own stadium in New York City due to other fellow New Yorkers not wanting them.  In turn, the Jets were forced to be the tenants to their fellow city rival, the New York Giants.

No, Belichick sums up exactly what we have all known – no matter how good the money might seem, how bright the lights might be shining, or how passionate the fans – New York sports franchises are like the New York President the U.S. currently has – a dope. The owners of the New York Jets and their personnel departments house such an immense capacity for boneheadness, utter stupidity, and incompetence that it’s remarkable any of them can find their ways home from the stadium. The fact of the matter is that I am not the first to write about this, and I am surely not the last. Just this week the Jets hired former divisional rival, head coach – Adam Gase – as the new Jets head coach! Adam Gase was just fired by the Dolphins for earning the title of being the leader of the team with the second worse offense and fourth worse defense in the NFL.

However, like Trump, the most amazing part isn’t that the Jets are able to make these kinds of blatantly, absurd, groundless, and, at times, malicious mistakes, but it is the fact that they ignore everyone telling them that it is a mistake. The Jets are like that actor in a horror movie who shouldn’t open the door because the serial killer is standing outside, and everyone in the audience knows the actor shouldn’t open the door, but the actor still does. The difference is that the actor has to in order to keep the movie going, whereas the Jets ownership is supposed to be trying to make the nightmare end. Yet they keep opening the door, not of a serial killer, but of stupidity. Secondly, the actor can’t hear the crowd telling him not to open the door, but the Jets live in the media capital of the world. The Jets owners at any time could flip on a T.V., get on the internet, or stop by a newspaper booth and they would see an article telling them that Adam Gase is not the man to hire. However, and this must be a special New Yorker gift, they still have the ability to block out all criticism/ignore good advice. This isn’t a compliment because both the President and Jets ownership are just nosediving their respective constituents (voters/fans) into complete obliteration. Out of shear willfulness and arrogance they continue to cling to the notion that by doing the same thing over and over again, that they will get different results.  The simple truth is these New York big shots commonly and routinely mistake their abundant insanity for faux omnipotence. No one can tell them otherwise.  Just the history books they’ll never read.