The Greatest Rivalry In All Of Sport...That You've Never Heard Of!

 

It’s that time of year when college football takes a hiatus prior to bowl season revving up; the Browns are clearly the disappointment that no one wanted to believe, but deep down knew they would be; and the NBA is still in that funk where apparently the games count but, they don’t. That leaves the sports fan gasping like a fish out of water for any minute breath of meaningful competition. That’s where college basketball comes into play.

The Cornercube has strayed away from writing about college basketball for the most part. This was because The Cornercube believes, and our readers may vehemently disagree, that it is imperative to write “what you know” and, we don’t really know college basketball. Sure, The Cornercube IT personnel help and assist with penetrating their facilities’ firewalls and in turn, stream NCAA March Madness, but only for the first two rounds. Frankly, with blue chips schools churning out new rosters every year, due to the NBA’s lax entry rules, it becomes difficult to grasp any continuity between the years. Further, there are so many teams, it becomes difficult to know who is worth watching. Finally, since the college basketball season is so long, like the NBA, it becomes difficult to know if a regular season game really matters.

This conundrum was set aside as your correspondent watched, from his treadmill (yes … back at the gym), The Ocean State Rivalry. For the unaware the “Ocean State” is the nickname for the state of Rhode Island. The rivalry is between the Providence College Friars and the University of Rhode Island Rams. There were several reasons for why this rivalry was entertaining to watch.

First, it was the only live sport on as I wheezed myself to the finish line. Live sports are the easiest show to watch while exercising because there isn’t a need for sound or deep concentration. Think about it – I am watching this game while “running” but there is probably some other dude in a dive bar outside of Pawtucket, four boilermakers deep, and he still knows what’s going on. The second reason is that the game was entertaining and both teams were playing well. Although the final score was Rhode Island 75-61, the game was close throughout. Thirdly, the game meant something. Unlike the famous “Tobacco Road Rivalry” which is played twice each season between Duke University and North Carolina University, the Ocean State Rivalry is only played once during the season. Therefore, this one game will likely decide who holds the bragging rights for the remainder of the year.

The most important reason this game was so entertaining was because it caused the viewer, me, to get engaged and pick a side.  That side was the Rhode Island Rams because, in your correspondence’s view, the Rams seemed like the ugly step-sister to their “glorious” parochial school rival.

Both teams have pedigrees for sending players to the NBA. University of Rhode Island has seen sixteen players in the NBA with the most notable being Lamar Odom (1999), Cuttino Mobley (1998), and Sly Williams (1979). Providence College, which has the much richer basketball history, has sent 28 players to the NBA, with one currently playing in the NBA – Kris Dunn (2016). Providence also has a 74-56 edge in the all-time series and has won 11 of the last 17. The Cornercube also underwent a scientific study in which it reviewed each team’s Wikipedia page. The University of Rhode Island’s had a total of four sections, whereas Providence College’s had a total of 7 sections, including an extremely lengthy section dedicated to its history (University of Rhode Island has no such section).

Although Providence College has the more robust basketball pedigree, it also seems Providence, the place, is more important than the state of Rhode Island. For instance, the Ryan Center which is the arena in which the University of Rhode Island Rams play holds a total of 7,657 people. On the other hand, Dunkin’ Donuts Center, the home of the Friars, holds nearly twice that amount – 12,500. Logically it would be assumed that Providence has a larger student body population compared to Rhode Island, but that isn’t true. Rhode Island has a total student population of 17,064 and Providence College has a total student population of roughly 4,550. Providence is just a quarter of the size of the University of Rhode Island and yet has an arena that holds nearly twice as many people than the University of Rhode Island. The disproportion in arenas may be because Providence College holds an endowment twice as large as Rhode Island’s at $238.5 million.

The County of Providence makes up more than half of the electorate in Rhode Island. In the 2016 election Clinton was able to win the state’s popular vote almost entirely because she won Providence County (although in all fairness every other major Rhode Island county went for Clinton except for Kent). Believe it or not, the state of Rhode Island’s name isn’t just “Rhode Island” but rather the, State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. Rhode Island seems to be pieced together similarly to how Czechoslovakia was glued together and that didn’t last! So, until Rhode Island, the state, and Rhode Island the university receive their very much deserved respect from Providence - the city and the college, The Cornercube will always raise a toast saying the University of Rhode Island’s motto, Think Big. We Do.

In Loving Memory of Phillip Michael Rivers (37 years)

It was the largest funeral that your correspondent had ever attended. An estimated 76,000 people were boxed into Azteca Stadium in Mexico City to watch the burial of Phillip Rivers. The procession lasted for about three and half hours and it was a gruesome procession at that. It wasn’t just the fact that Rivers threw four interceptions, fumbled the ball twice (one in which he lost), had the ball awkwardly fall out of his hands (luckily for him it was called an incomplete pass and not another fumble) and the fact that at one point Rivers threw a bullet pass right into the helmet of the Chiefs’ defensive lineman, Chris Jones. No, it was all of this combined with the fact that Rivers looked like a man who was shell shocked. A man who feared being on the field, a man who forgot the simple mechanics of passing, a man who, as once quoted so elegantly by the Jets’ quarterback, Sam Darnold, “was seeing ghosts.”

But was he seeing ghosts because the Kansas City Chiefs defense was that good or has Phillip Rivers lost his physical giftedness that all football players require in order to perform their duties adequately? The answer is the latter. Aside from his 50-yard completion to wide receiver, Mike Williams, who deserves more credit for making that catch than Rivers for making that the throw, Rivers looked awful. However, Rivers has looked bad this whole season. Rivers’ passer rating (85.5) ranks in the bottom 10 of all current starting quarterbacks and has thrown the second most interceptions this year (Jameis Winston is last). In fact, Rivers has thrown a combined seven interceptions in just his last two games. But it’s not just the picks that are so embarrassing but rather the blatantly ugly throws being made that leaves everyone scratching their heads and wondering, “is he trying to lose the game?” Specifically, the failed two-minute drive, which was capped by Rivers’ fourth pick during the game, had Rivers going four for eleven passing. One of these misses went straight into the ground and nosedived just a yard away from where Rivers was standing. This “pass” was so awkward that the refs at first called it a fumble and allowed the play to continue (upon review it was ruled an incomplete forward pass). One missed pass in this drive occurred when Rivers threw a bomb, out of bounds, and the nearest receiver was tripled covered. Another missed throw was to a wide-open receiver who ran a post route, but the ball fell five to seven yards short (and it wasn’t tipped).

Everyone on the Chargers played better than the Chiefs except for Phillip Rivers. The Chargers held last year’s MVP, Kansas City Chiefs’ quarterback, Patrick Mahomes, to just 63 yards passing in the first half. The Chargers had more first downs, more time of possession, more total yards, more passing yards, more plays and more total yards per play than the Chiefs. Actually, if it wasn’t for Rivers’ four picks, the Chargers would have probably won the game. This is the worst part about Phillip Rivers’ whole demise – everyone realizes that the future hall of fame quarterback is no longer winning games but losing games for the Chargers. With Rivers’ contract up in 2020, it seems all too likely that the Chargers will move on from Rivers.

The demise of Rivers and the decision to move on from him is no easy maneuver. Below are Rivers’, Eli Manning’s, and Peyton Manning’s Quarter Back Rating statistics (“QBR”) and interceptions from the 2006 through the 2018 seasons (note that Peyton’s information goes through 2015 as that was the year he retired).

 

To ascertain a trend for when it is typical to depart from a franchise quarterback is difficult to determine from the metrics above. Peyton Manning’s QBR and interceptions correlate together. For instance, during Peyton’s worse year, 2015 (and the last year he played), he had his worse QBR and also threw his most picks. Eli is more erratic in that even when he throws a lot of picks (i.e. 2010) his QBR is still holding steady at around 60. However, notice that since 2015 his QBR has tanked and has never been able to come up above 50, even though his interceptions are fewer than in years prior. It’s no surprise that Eli was benched this year as his play has been decreasing for the past four years. Not only the current play on the field, but the past data points indicate he was in decline. Rivers, on the other hand, is hard to predict. He has been able to steadily increase his QBR and lower his interceptions since 2015. Whereas Eli had a history of decline, Rivers has a recent history of improvement.

Therefore, The Cornercube predicts that Rivers will have a decline similar to what Peyton Manning had in his 2015 season. In 2014 Peyton had a QBR of 72 and then suddenly dropped to a QBR of 49.3 during the 2015 season. Rivers had a QBR of 69.1 in 2018 and currently holds a QBR of 46.0 through Week 11 of the 2019 NFL season. Both had drastic QBR drops from one season to the next and the QBRs are under 50. For a veteran quarterback to have a QBR under 50 is a tell-tale sign that the end is near. For Peyton he retired immediately after the 2015 season.

There are certain things a viewer is expected to see when watching Phillip Rivers play: (1) having to hear how many kids he has; (2) having to hear how he and Eli Manning were traded during the 2004 NFL draft; (3) seeing him cry and yell (he is a tool); (4) and now watching him throw picks, panic in the pocket, and do anything he can to go three and out so he no longer has to be on the field. Peyton Manning might have physically deteriorated in 2015, but he didn’t panic.

 

 

Dear Couples, Stop Going to The Gym Together. Sincerely, All Average Joe's

After decades of light beer, fried food, meat sweats, and minimal ambulatory movement I, a middle-aged, slightly overweight male, decided to start going to the gym. The doctors, nutritionists, and other personnel who do more than stare at spreadsheets for forty hours a week, have continuously reiterated the benefits of physical activity. These brainy people publish countless articles about how physical activity provides for mental stimulation and the secretion of serotonin. Upon exiting the gym, I do believe I was secreting serotonin but not from my physical activity, but rather from watching couples working out together.

Now before this blog goes too far, The Cornercube wants to recognize that this blog, may, and will, offend many of its readers. Please do not stop reading our content based off one middle aged man’s experience at the gym. I’m sure you and your partner are the best dynamic duo to ever lift iron together. What we are trying to say is, take a joke.

There are two types of gym couples. The first is what I’ll call the “AC-130” type. “What is this?” you might ask. Well, during my pre-workout days I played lots of online first-person shooters.  One in particular was called, Call of Duty: 4 Modern Warfare. In the story there is a mission in which one player is a gunner in an AC-130 gunship, while the other player is a soldier on the ground trying to make his way deep behind enemy lines. The gunship watches over and eliminates any threats so that the ground player can escape.

Each person in an “AC-130” couple assumes either the role of the gunner or the soldier. Typically, the gunner is always the female and the soldier is the male. After they give each other a pre-workout hug/kiss, each person will go to his/her respective “machines” to assume their positions. The male will go to the bench – naturally he is there because he wants to “get big” and satisfy his primal instincts – “get swol, so I may defend and attract the opposite sex.” The female will start off on the treadmill/stairs. This is her “perch”. From either of these locations she can oversee where her man is and whether any threats (i.e. other females) are encroaching upon her man’s exercise routine. In an ideal situation she would like her man to not to talk to anyone but herself, and simply lift his weights while intermittently drinking his kale, soy and broccoli protein shake out of his $45-dollar water bottle that she purchased for him at Dick’s the previous Christmas.

What is interesting to observe is when a female encroaches upon the male’s “fitness zone.” The “gunner” who typically starts off on the treadmill will then, if needing a better vantage point to take her shot, move to the stairs machine. Here, she can see, process, and determine if such a female is a threat to her man. How does the gunner judge if such a female is a threat? Based off two objects – the female’s backside and her soldier’s reaction. First, with the advent of the Kardashians, belfie, and social media women have been ever more regarding their backside as their greatest asset (pun intended). If the gunner assesses the threat (the other female) as either having a more attractive or equally attractive backside, the gunner will maneuver to closer proximity within the lifting soldier's location because, “it’s time for her to start her squat exercises.” She’ll immediately interrupt any conversation to make it known that the female is talking to her man, thereby eliminating the threat. This same process will be used if the soldier and the threat look to be enjoying their conversation (soldier is laughing, asking questions, being a nice human).  The gunner will go to DEFCON-5 if either her man or the threat pull out their phones (exchange of numbers? Following each other on Instagram? Snapchat friends? Sharing protein shake recipes??). If the phones are pulled out, on the car ride home the gunner will have to undergo an internal investigation to determine whether her man has been compromised

The other type of couple is the “stick to me like glue” couple. This name comes from the famous line in the 1969 film, Battle of Britain, when one of senior fighter pilots instructs a new recruit to “stick to him like glue” when they are flying together.

The same thing happens at the gym. The couple will either do each exercise together or oscillate. For instance, the male might do the leg press for a certain amount of reps. The female will stand, wait, watch, and even provide her man with praise as he accomplishes his “lift.” The female will then adjust her weight, do her leg press and the male will stand, wait, watch and even provide praise for his lady. It’s interesting to see how the couple decides who leads the workout (what machines they do first, for how long, etc.). “First in” is based off two determining factors: desire and experience. The person who leads is typically the one who wanted to go to the gym in the first place. This is usually the person with the gym pass, or the person who convinced the other to apply for a gym pass. The other is experience in which the person who has the gym pass might not be the leader but rather, the person who has more experience lifting (i.e. the man who still goes around talking about his high school days).  There have been a few times in which the leader starts to determine what exercise another should do, which is always amusing. For instance, one time the male instructed his significant other that she should work on her “butt, while he works on his hamies.” In this scenario the female obliged.

Most people, and even the internet, support couples working out together. Simply Google “couples working out together” and the first three hits are a list of its benefits. Some of these benefits are: (1) increase happiness with your relationship; (2) increase emotional bond; (3) help achieve fitness goals and (4) make your partner fall in love with you. All of these are great, but the issue is they are all speaking to those who are already physically gifted. For example, I don’t want my wife near me when I’m doing a machine. My spouse doesn’t enjoy watching a hippo give birth and so probably won’t find it attractive when she sees the man with whom she bore children, wheezing in agony as he tries to lift seventy pounds on the bicep press. I also don’t think our happiness or emotional bond will increase when she sees her “knight in shining armor” dry heaving as he walks at 4 mph on the treadmill, using a towel to wipe away his brow sweat (mind you, all of this is happening as I am watching The Great British Bake Off. How do they make those chocolate crumpets so moist?) My fitness goal, unlike the Adonises I am surrounded by, is not to be able to lift my “honey” off her feet and parade her up the stairs to our bedroom for late night love making, but rather so that I can feel confident that I won’t have Type 2 Diabetes in a decade.

Both the couples and I are doing the same activities at the gym (albeit at different speeds, intensities, and weights), but for completely different reasons. The couples, who are almost all physically fit, workout to maintain their physiques which, most likely, were the root of their initial mutual attraction. However, even with their bulging muscles, slim waists, and sculpted figures, many seem to lack the basic sense of trust needed to maintain a real relationship. I go to the gym so I don’t die in a decade. They go to the gym so their relationship won’t either.  

By: Stan Bemis, @stanbemis