FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, SOMEONE SAVE TERRY McLAURIN!

On April 8, 2009 an American cargo ship called, Maersk Alabama, was seized by four Somali pirates off the coast of Somalia. This would become the first successful pirate seizure of an American vessel since the Second Barbary War (1815). Three days later, April 12, 2009, the U.S. Navy killed three of the four pirates and rescued the captain of the ship, Captain Richard Phillips. This dramatic sequence of events would later be made into a 2013 Tom Hanks film, called, Captain Phillips (the famous line in this movie is, “I am the Capt’n now”). Not only would this event personify the bravery that Captain Phillips and his crew displayed, but also allowed the world to see how the American military acted swiftly to secure its citizens.

So what does a rescue mission have to do with The Cornercube? The simple answer – everything.  The Cornercube’s Intelligence Unit (“CIU”) has identified a possible hostage situation that has prolonged since April (and no, this is not the theory that Peyton Manning was forced to do all those Papa John commercials because “Papa” held his family captured in Papa’s basement). Terry McLaurin, former great wideout from Ohio State University and now a rookie wide receiver for the Washington Redskins, must be rescued from a deplorable franchise that will more than likely underpay him, deplete his talent, and leave him without any sort of accomplishments.

McLaurin, is, and deservingly should be, a candidate for rookie of the year. Through week 6 of the NFL season McLaurin leads all rookie receivers in receptions, receiving yards, and touchdowns. McLaurin has been praised and envied by defenders for his ability to effortlessly run routes. As NBC Sports Washington’s reporter, Peter Hailey, stated, “he’s beating guys deep, he’s beating guys over the middle and he’s beating guys in contested situations.” The most impressive part of McLaurin’s achievements is the fact that the quarterback(s) throwing him the ball are all terrible.

The Redskins have been a debacle of a team since they started training camp (and before that). The first issue is the fact that the franchise is the most disorganized, disoriented, mismanaged organization in all of sports (it may be even more disorganized than the New York Knicks’ coke snorting owner, James Dolan). Chuck Coltman, a diehard Washington Redskins’ fan who also paid an advertising firm to fly a banner over Hard Rock Stadium in Miami as the Redskins and Dolphins played,  that read, “Help Skins Fans Fire Bruce Allen”, stated it best when he said, “under Bruch Allen, it’s just been horrible.”  Allen is the Redskins team President. He has no notable team achievement in his decade of employment unless one were to count 1) his ability to pack the FedEx Field with opposing fans; 2) cause forty employees to quit the organization within a year; 3) ostracize his pro bowl offensive tackle, Trent Williams, so much so that Williams has opted to not suit up this year, or 4) the fact that the Redskins fired Jay Gruden after providing him with absolutely no say in the players or transactions that he was pressed to accept. There are also the past transgressions such as the RGIII issues, the Kirk Cousins mismanagement,  the New York Times article articulating Washington cheerleaders being harassed by Redskin officials, and the very fact that the Redskins’ owner, Dan Snyder, doesn’t believe the name “Redskins” is at all racist (ironically the Redskins were the last NFL team to integrate). So, it’s easy to see that McLaurin has been hired to work in an organization that is led by a bunch of racist, misogynistic, inept, rich white guys (similar to today’s White House).

Besides the macro issues surrounding McLaurin and the Redskins, it’s important to realize that McLaurin is in the running for Rookie of the Year for the fact that as a wide receiver he is reliant on a quarterback to get him the ball. Three quarterbacks have thrown to McLaurin this year. Case Keenum, known for being an inconsistent journeyman quarterback, so far has a QBR of 42.8 (through Week 7 of the NFL season) out of 100. Then there was a game in which Colt McCoy a career Redskins backup got the nod to start, going 18 for 27 passing, throwing a pick, no touchdowns, garnering 122 yards. He was relegated to be the backup after that game and Case Keenum reverted to starter, even though his stats aren’t that much more impressive. Then, out of desperation, McLaurin was forced to catch balls from his former and now rookie quarterback, Dwayne Haskins (who is also being held hostage but because he isn’t playing, yet, isn’t in the immediate need of rescuing.). Haskins faired no better than the two veterans in front of him, going nine for seventeen passing and threw three picks. In turn, McLaurin’s ability to remain a rookie of the year candidate is as impressive as people still willing to believe that Trump shouldn’t be impeached (The Cornercube tries to stay politically neutral, but we do not remain neutral to those individuals who work with foreign governments for political gain. It’s just good patriotic common sense). 

If the NFL fails to rescue McLaurin, he will go down similarly to that of Deandre Hopkins. Hopkins was drafted by the Houston Texans in 2013, and even made the pro bowl in 2015 even though he wouldn’t have a decent quarterback until DeSahun Watson was drafted in 2017. From 2013 to 2017 Hopkins caught passes and/or played alongside the following quarterbacks – Matt Schuab (currently a backup QB in Atlanta), Ryan Fitzpatrick (journeyman QB and currently “starting” for the winless Dolphins), Case Keenum (journeyman QB and see above), Ryan Mallet (NFL free agent), Tom Savage (NFL free agent), Brian Hoyer (currently backup for Indianapolis Colts), T.J. Yates (offensive assistant for Houston Texans), Brandon Weeden (NFL free agent), B.J. Daniels (quarterback for Seattle Dragons of XFL), and  Brock Osweiler (retired). If Watson did not come along, Hopkins may have been forgotten by everyone except fantasy owners, and Houston fans. It’s unfortunate, because no matter how good a wide receiver might be, if the passer can’t provide a decent pass, the wideout will never be able to fully display his talents.

There are two ways that McLaurin can be saved. The first is if Dan Snyder steps down/sells the team as the owner of the Redskins and, hence, Bruce Allen leaves. This seems as likely as Donald J. Trump actually having bone spurs to avoid the Vietnam War (yep, he is a coward as well as a traitor). The only other option is having some other NFL team rescue McLaurin. Although The Cornercube doesn’t like the Patriots, it does like to see good players excel.  Hopefully Bill Belichick can work his magic and somehow swindle the Redskins with a seventh round pick for McLaurin … and, believe it or not, if there were to be a franchise to be swindled that terribly, the Redskins would be the franchise to do it.