Tristan Thompson: Enriching the Kardashians, While Embarassing The Cavs

“One: No feelings . . . Two: No social media posts about me . . . Three: I sleep with other people.” In his interview with Sports Illustrated’s Ben Reiter, Trevor Bauer, the  brash and outspoken Cleveland Indians starting pitcher, listed his three rules with anyone who has the “pleasure” in courting him. Although Bauer’s macho masculine, Neanderthalic sense of entitlement is practiced by most major professional athletes, it is widely concealed and cleverly camouflaged under the cloak of an athlete’s foundations, charity funds, and Wheaties commercials. More surprising is that, other than the civilization that resides north of Mansfield, Ohio, most sports readers or even lay-people would have assumed that these three commandments were uttered by the Cleveland Cavaliers center, Tristan Thompson.

The NBA and Kardashian, Inc.  once again collided when it was revealed that Tristan Thompson was “most likely” having coitus with model and Kylie Jenner’s friend/tenant, Jordyn Woods. This wouldn’t have been odd if it wasn’t for the fact that Tristan Thompson was, concurrently, in a relationship with Khloe Kardashian (a half-sister to Kylie Jenner and another asset to Kardashian, Inc.) in which a child resulted from the individuals’ consummation. Tristan and Khloe named their child, like any other reality T.V. star desperately seeking public attention, “True.” So as the Kardashian fandom mounts its warlike mentality towards whichever way Khloe’s Twitter/Instagram wand instructs her zealots, the Cleveland Cavaliers, Tristan “can’t keep his hands to himself” Thompson’s employer, is trying to salvage an already fire dumpster of a season and a team. The best thing the Cavs can do is trade Thompson this offseason.

Ever since Lebron James leapt for La La Land, allowing another proud moment of Cleveland history to decay in the rust belt, the Cavaliers have stunk. At this moment in time the Cavaliers are the third worse team in the NBA and have just avoided tying a franchise record with the least number of wins. The thought of moving Tristan Thompson is neither farfetched nor rash. Rather, moving Tristan Thompson will alleviate a team that is in the midst of an ultimate rebuild and a team that resembles the Washington Generals more than the reigning Eastern Conference Champs.

Even in the dysfunctional state of his team, Tristan Thompson is having his own renaissance. Lately Thompson has been averaging 11.5 points per game, 11.1 rebounds per game, and 2.1 assists per game. As reported by Matt John, of NBA Daily, “all of which [the numbers]are either career-highs or the best he has had since Lebron came back to ‘The Land.’” Albeit, and John notes this, Lebron’s departure has opened the ability for a big man to get more rebounds that otherwise would have been consumed by Lebron himself. Thompson is in the top half of the league in rebounds and fourth in offensive rebounds. Considering that the three-point shot has become an offensive norm and fan favorite, most teams would relish having a player who is capable of efficiently rebounding missed three pointers only to kick it out to give his sharpshooting teammates another shot. While Thompson is an overpaid center, being scheduled to earn $18.5M next year, he has the necessary and vast skillset to be the final piece a contending team requires to put them over the edge.

 

Trading Thompson would serve Cleveland well. Not so much for the fact that this would alleviate hefty cap space off the Cavs and allows us to possibly receive some younger talent, but, more so, because it would eradicate another embarrassment from the city of Cleveland’s vast portfolio. Cleveland sports, especially as of late, have been littered with divas, self-serving, nimrods who are either willfully ignoring their overt irrational behavior or just simply have become incapable of recognizing how embarrassing their behavior is. The Browns had the Manziel experiment, which deserves its own blog for the fact that it is amazing how one person could be that utterly stupid. Then of course the Indians are stuck with Trevor Bauer who even when he gets his way, still decides to run his mouth or cut his finger while playing with his drone … in the midst of the postseason. Finally, it is hard not to forget about Hue “Clueless” Jackson, but his embarrassments were more work related (like he couldn’t win a game) than public relations disasters.

Thompson’s scandal is unlike any of the above. It is not his merely being unfaithful to the mother of his child and their entire relationship, callously demonstrating one of the greatest acts of selfishness and disregard for others. No, the reason is because, unlike other unfaithful professional athletes, Thompson is cheating on the Medusas of America. When Thompson does Khloe Kardashian wrong he isn’t just hurting her directly, but he is creating a business opportunity for them. Thompson entertains fans with his ability to make rebounds, block shots and score points. Khloe and her family entertain men/women by wearing skimpy outfits, increasing the size of their rear-ends while slimming down the size of their waists, and doing all this while on their reality TV show – Keeping Up With The Kardashians. So, when Thompson cheats the Kardashians, all fifty million of them, will get on Twitter/Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat and rouse their masses, with the same vitriol that Trump uses to get his base motivated about his absurd wall. The Kardashians do this because this is their business model. Sure, they have makeup lines, clothing lines, but those products aren’t what makes them. Those products just give them an excuse to keep their faces out there so that girls who want to be like them, and guys who want to “get” with them, keep tuning in to watch their unrelatable lives. Thompson gave this business the scandal it needed to remain relevant.

It would be one thing if this was Thompson’s first time acting as though he has a lack of oxygen to his brain. However, he has no short history of acting out of impulse and lack of intelligence. Prior to the start of the NBA season, but after Lebron left, Thompson stated, “[Cavs] still four-time Eastern Conference champions, so until you take us down from that, teams ain’t got much to say.” The NBA season isn’t complete yet and the Cavs have been “taken down” forty-eight times. Then, of course, the very fact that Thompson was publicly seen cheating on Khloe (first time cheating on her), while she was in labor, and right before the 2018 NBA Finals, deserves a gold medal for achieving that level of stupidity.

I would like to say that Thompson has been infected with the “Kardashin Kancer,” but it seems to me that he was just born dumb.  Maybe a team that is a contender, with solid players around him, can insulate the noise from the next time he decides to enrage, and in doing so, enrich Kardashian, Inc. In all likelihood most teams are taking note of the episodic public disaster and embarrassment that is Tristan Thompson. Hence, it seems safe to say that the Cavaliers will be left paying this bonehead $18.5M to win us another 18 games and, in doing so, help sell another several million People Magazines. At least someone is entertained by a Cavalier … unfortunately it’s just not on the court.