The Jets are to the NFL, What Trump is to the American People - Awful

The question in writing this wasn’t “where to begin,” but rather what not to include? The New York Jets’ history is a litany of disgraceful events. Even when they describe their most glorious player, quarterback Joe Namath, they can’t help but avoid his short-lived stardom. “His physical talents on the field helped improve the Jets' fortunes, leading them to victory over the Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III. Though injuries hampered the latter part of Namath's career. . ..”

So, the place to begin is the beginning when in 1959 Harry Wismer was granted a franchise for a professional football team in New York. Wismer, following the big city mantra of “bigger must be better” named his football team “the Titans of New York” because “titans were bigger and stronger than giants.”    Wismer failed to notice one thing larger than a titan, and that was the laden of debt with which he was able to encumber his Titans. So within four years, and just when the Titans learned to walk, they were nearly suffocated by the person who had given them their first breath – Harry Wismer. Thankfully, in addition to an abundance of rats, New York doesn’t lack for rich white old guys walking around. In 1963 Wismer’s insolvent franchise would be purchased by a group of “old, rich, white guys” led by Sonny Werblin.

Werblin was a classic example of a man who lived the American dream. Werblin’s father was able to find and run an extremely successful paper-bag company. From there Sonny took on his father’s entrepreneurial spirit and started working as an agent for the Music Corporation of America, eventually founding its television division. Sonny was an amorally upstanding businessman, in that he was able to grow the television division by ignoring and breaking nearly every antitrust law.

Having experience in the entertainment business, Sonny decided that upon buying the Titans he needed to stamp his “image” on them. As a result, he changed the Titans’ colors to Kelly green and white, because Werblin was born on St. Patrick’s Day (ironically, Werblin was Jewish) and wanted that to be known. He further changed the team’s name from Titans to Jets. There are two possibilities for this. The first is because the name “Jets” rhymed with the professional baseball team, with whom the Jets then shared Shea stadium with, called the “Mets.” The other possibility is that Shea stadium was so close to LaGuardia airport that Werblin thought of the name “Jets.” Personally, if you consider that NFL team names would only get less creative as time went on (Carolina Panthers, Jacksonville Jaguars, etc.) I give Mr. Werblin a lot of credit for picking a relatively obvious, but not generic football team name. However, Werblin is most famous for signing what still is, after over half a century, the Jets’ most famous player – Joe Namath.

Now at this point it may appear that the tide is turning for the Jets and that with the Joe Namath signing he will lead the Jets on to dynasties that resemble those of the Steel Curtain. However, Namath was and still is the Jets’ high-water mark. Let that sink in. The Jets’ high-water mark was obtained within their first decade of being a franchise – 1969. In that year Joe Namath would defeat the Baltimore Colts, who were favored in Super Bowl III, which is also the Jets’ only Super Bowl win and appearance. The uglier part is the man who lured Namath to the AFL and not the NFL in 1965, by offering Namath a $427,000 guaranteed contract, wouldn’t even get the pleasure of hoisting the Super Bowl trophy. That is because if there is anything rich, white men hate more than alimony payments, is other rich, old, white men. “His partners, including Leon Hess, the chairman of the Amerada Hess Corporation, had become so miffed at all the attention paid to Mr. Werblin that they bought him out before the start of the 1968 season, paying him $1.2 million for a share that had cost him $250,000.”

Yep, New York finally had the owner they needed, but like typical New York, they ousted him right when the going was getting good. Leon Hess would become the next owner. Just as Namath’s career would descend into mediocracy and injuries, the Jets franchise would also bottom out into a giant mound of draft busts, ridiculous coaching hires, and repeated heartaches and headaches.

The draft busts are well documented. There was Blair Thomas a star running back out of Penn State, drafted in 1990 with the second overall pick. Blair lasted four years with the Jets and only mustered 2,009 yards and just six touchdowns. By 1996 Blair was out of the NFL, and the former Heisman – runner-up is now the proud owner of several sports bars called, “KoKoMos.” Then, of course, there was the defensive tackle from Ohio State, Vernon Gholston. Gholtson failed to record a sack and was released from the Jets after his third year in the league. Last checked, in 2015 Gholston was trying to make an NFL comeback but for now he will go down as another Jets bust. The list goes on. What is remarkable is the very fact that under the Jets’ Wikipedia page there is a section dedicated to their first-round draft picks, but even this section discusses more about the Jets’ terrible selections than their good picks. 

I mean even Mark Sanchez’s ability to lead the Jets to two AFC Championship games wasn’t enough to make him memorable. Sanchez’s notoriety only became prevalent when he was able to perform this unique, and never again tried, maneuver called, “the butt fumble.”

Then, of course, the Jets have their litany of exotic head coaches. In the 1990’s it appeared that coaches were either joining the Jets to get revenge on a previous team or were taking a head coaching post somewhere else to get back at the Jets. For instance, Bill Belichick was named the New York Jets head coach at the start of the 1997 season. However, that would only last six days, as the Jets really wanted Belichick’s teacher – Bill Parcells. In a complicated and emotional dispute, Parcells wanted out of New England and the Jets wanted to hire Parcells. The only issue was that Parcells was still under contract in New England and, for obvious reasons, did not want Parcells going to a divisional rival. In turn, the Jets, being their conniving selves, thought that they would just hire Parcells as an “advisor to football operations” and Belichick, Parcells’ top assistant, would be the head coach. In the end, Belichick was hired as the Jets’ head coach, but that would only last for six days. The NFL would broker a deal in which the Jets received Parcells and New England received monies as well as draft picks from the Jets. Belichick was named as an assistant, but he would later receive the last laugh as Parcells would abdicate his throne at the end of the 2000 season. Parcells named Bill Belichick as his head coach, and in true Jets fashion within 24 hours Belichick said he was quitting as the New York Jets head coach. Belichick’s reasoning? "There are a lot of unanswered questions here. I have been concerned about it since Leon Hess (the former owner) died (in May). I had no clear direction of where I am going in the organization."

As much disdain as I have for Bill Belichick, his quote is spot on. Actually, this quote is so good I don’t think there is any reason for me to even attempt to digest and regurgitate the laughable other head coaching hires, such as the obnoxious blow hard Rex Ryan, or the amorphous and at times oblivious Todd Bowles. Not to mention the fact that the Jets were prevented from getting their own stadium in New York City due to other fellow New Yorkers not wanting them.  In turn, the Jets were forced to be the tenants to their fellow city rival, the New York Giants.

No, Belichick sums up exactly what we have all known – no matter how good the money might seem, how bright the lights might be shining, or how passionate the fans – New York sports franchises are like the New York President the U.S. currently has – a dope. The owners of the New York Jets and their personnel departments house such an immense capacity for boneheadness, utter stupidity, and incompetence that it’s remarkable any of them can find their ways home from the stadium. The fact of the matter is that I am not the first to write about this, and I am surely not the last. Just this week the Jets hired former divisional rival, head coach – Adam Gase – as the new Jets head coach! Adam Gase was just fired by the Dolphins for earning the title of being the leader of the team with the second worse offense and fourth worse defense in the NFL.

However, like Trump, the most amazing part isn’t that the Jets are able to make these kinds of blatantly, absurd, groundless, and, at times, malicious mistakes, but it is the fact that they ignore everyone telling them that it is a mistake. The Jets are like that actor in a horror movie who shouldn’t open the door because the serial killer is standing outside, and everyone in the audience knows the actor shouldn’t open the door, but the actor still does. The difference is that the actor has to in order to keep the movie going, whereas the Jets ownership is supposed to be trying to make the nightmare end. Yet they keep opening the door, not of a serial killer, but of stupidity. Secondly, the actor can’t hear the crowd telling him not to open the door, but the Jets live in the media capital of the world. The Jets owners at any time could flip on a T.V., get on the internet, or stop by a newspaper booth and they would see an article telling them that Adam Gase is not the man to hire. However, and this must be a special New Yorker gift, they still have the ability to block out all criticism/ignore good advice. This isn’t a compliment because both the President and Jets ownership are just nosediving their respective constituents (voters/fans) into complete obliteration. Out of shear willfulness and arrogance they continue to cling to the notion that by doing the same thing over and over again, that they will get different results.  The simple truth is these New York big shots commonly and routinely mistake their abundant insanity for faux omnipotence. No one can tell them otherwise.  Just the history books they’ll never read.