Diary From the Frontline: Day Cuatro



As the sun’s glaring rays break through the dismal overcast, and pierce the hard, corroded ground, like a knight’s sword sending his enemy to the abys, the soldiers awake from their slumber and so begins the fourth day of the “Cold War.” Colonel Hilda has refused to lower her barricade, nor does she allow her people to even consider reaching across to find peace with Major Bulker’s nation. For this is a war of attrition and so neither side will give an inch, even though as each day of the war goes on, the groans of the soldiers’ stomachs grow louder.






Civilians finding what little solace they can, in the nation of Major Bulker



This is a unique war in which bloodshed has not been administered at the hands of the opposing enemy’s bullets, knives, bombs, or artillery, but rather through the strategy of, siege warfare. For the goal of any siege, from the Republic of Venice’s siege of Constantinople in the 13^th century to the British Siege of Fort Ticonderoga in the 18th, is not to deliberately slaughter the enemy’s people, but for the besieged nation feel as though they have slaughtered their own people. In other words, siege warfare is to make the enemy feel as though they are the ones cutting off their own leg, and more importantly, that they are the only ones who may end their suffering. Siege warfare is nothing more than the deliberate effect to starve one’s opponent into submission. The object is to surround a foe’s city, preferably one heavily populated with an enemy’s civilians, and instigate an artificial famine upon those people. The besieged nation must decide, with what little rations they may have in the city prior to it being besieged, to either feed their military, whose job it is to defend the city from the attackers, or feed their civilians, whom they have the duty to protect. At first, usually, there is enough food to feed the whole population, but simple economics states that as supply goes down, demand goes up. As the days, months, and possibly years grow longer, the food grows shorter, and so the besieged government must decide, “do they spare their military or their people?” The former almost always takes priority. So, this then catapults exactly what the aggressor has envisioned: a trapped people, with little to no food, who may either give in to save their starving civilians, or, continue to hold out, but knowing that as the siege grows longer, their odds of succeeding, and escaping the horrific cries of their nation’s starving children, diminish.

Colonel Hilda has already been showing signs of malnutrition and starvation setting in on her nation. A, what looks to be, citrus fruit, which is an abnormal food for her people, has not been touched nor peeled, for Colonel Hilda understands that the greatest strength in siege warfare is the ability to be self-disciplined. One solider of Colonel Hilda’s could be heard screaming uncontrollably for but just a small nibble of, what was, the customary breakfast food in the nation of Hilda – a McDonald’s hash brown. On the other hand, Major Bulker has vast experience in siege warfare, as she has been the victim of many previous sieges. In turn, evidenced through her drawers full of Tupperware and stashes of donuts, partially eaten birthday cakes, and cookies, stolen from previous Legal Dept. Universe events, Major Bulker is well suited for an exasperated and long holdout.

The second greatest weapon in siege warfare is the mental instability that sets in on the besieged opponent. Like starvation, as the siege prolongs, the human mind starts to lose itself, causing the victim to lose all their ability to control themselves and their actions. At one moment Colonel Hilda was found, by a peace corp. worker from the nation of Jolie, in a closed conference room painting her nails. Colonel Hilda, having trouble speaking due to her lack of adequate substance, was pleading with the nation of Jolie that, “on days like these, when there is no end in sight, one must find a quiet conference room, shut the door and paint one’s nails.” An investigation by Amnesty International is underway to determine if the actual action of nail painting, is what calmed Colonel Hilda or rather was it the inhalation of the acetone that expels from the polish, that calms Colonel Hilda’s nerves. There has been reports that soldiers on both fronts have been turning to smelling of certain odors (Sharpies, ink pens, dry erase markers and Elmer’s glue) to help put their minds at ease and hopefully find any sort of peace between each volley of artillery.

“The skillful leader subdues the enemy's troops without any fighting.” – Sun Tzu, The Art of War